Doon in the Toon

Well last week I was full of optimism. I was looking forward to waxing lyrically about our great performance against Villa, who thankfully came to Anfield and did a West Ham. Rolled over, let us tickle their belly, then allowed us to savagely rape them.

We played with a good tempo. Ngog and Babel did something we haven't seen since Fowler and Owen, 2 forwards linking up as a strike partnership. Perhaps all these Reserve games together is paying off. Konchesky also did some strange things, there was tackling, blocking of crosses and shock horror interceptions!!!

So who needs Carra, Stevie G and Torres when you have Meireles, Skrtel and Ngog! Clearly not us! There was talk on Soccer Saturday that perhaps we had turned a corner. Clearly after 19h00 that that corner led to a cul-de-sac covered in grease at the edge of a cliff! We duly slipped off.

You can argue that Newcastle away is a trickier fixture than it looks in light of the ridiculous dismissal of Chris Hughton and the players devotion to him. So you would think that there would a bit of fire in our bellies saying lets go for the kill here.

Ngog and Babel together again and keep Torres on the bench. After all he has done bugger all since he scored against Chelsea. It would have sent a message to Fernando that he cant rest on his laurels.We all know he is going to leave at the end of the season but we pay his wages have stuck by him through all 374 of his injuries, so 6 months of output isnt too much to ask........

Plus there is the psychological effect on the opposition. The 'fuck me they can afford to leave him on the bench' factor and send a message to Ngog and Babel that you did well and you can have another go.

No Woy Hodgson doesn't have 'the minimals' to make big decisions. In fact Grandpa Woy doesnt have the ability to make any decisions! Again his pre-match interview did not bode well. Moaned about us always being on telly!!! We are Liverpool FC we are on the telly more than any other team in England EVERY season Woy. Even the Legions of Doom dont get as much airtime!!!!! 'I have one more big job left in me' he said in July I would like to know when he is going to start doing it.

Again he said about it being a difficult place to come (our last 2 visits 5-1 and 3-0wins!)and that we would have to play 'very well' to get anything. Hardly tub-thumping stuff. There was no 'we are 4 game undefeated and going to stamp our authority on a newly promoted team' speech.Hopefully he says slightly more positive things to the player in the dressing room. Although our performances suggest not.

So to the match. Some of you may watch 'Match of the Day' or 'Goals on Sunday'. Some not. For those that dont, these programs show you highlights of all the games on a weekly basis. So you can see what other teams are doing and how they score goal etc. Clearly NO-ONE at Liverpool FC has watched these programs this season, especially not Woy Hodgson or any of the back 4. Newcastle have a 6'4" Striker called Andy Carroll (effectively under house arrest).When they get free kick Joey Barton (another jailbird scumbag)normally aims the ball toward Carroll who is generally out wide on the left or right of the penalty box. If Carroll wins the header, which he usually does, he goes for goal or heads the ball back into the centre where his court appointed jailor (Kevin Nolan) normally pick up the scraps.

Unsuprisingly this is exactly what happened in the first time they got a free kick. result 1-0 and 11 bemused players in red! Seriously no marking on Carroll no marking on Nolan. WTF!!!! A phone call to Steve Bruce prior to the game would have confirmed that he watched them do that 5 times to him recently!!!

We had looked the better team up until that point, but really hadnt make Tim Krul do anything. We leared our lesson and started double teaming Carroll at free kicks. Well Torres decided he would help Skrtel out, not sure if that was his own decision or Woy's.

Halftime and we had more shots than they did 12 vs 2 with 5 on target, but all long range powder puffs. So 10 minutes into the 2nd half and we get a bit of luck, Dirk uses his 'blistering' pace (there are 1 legged Ethiopian famine victims who move quicker!) and his sclaffed shot hit Steven Taylor and trundles into the bottom corner 1-1 the comeback is on we are going to thrash them now!!!!

Dont be silly we are going to do nothing cos an away point is the greatest and most common Wesult in Woy's Wepartie! Newcastle make the brilliant tactical change of removing the completely useless Shola Ameobi (no doubt a transfer target for us) and replace him with Nile Ranger (Another jailbird).Must have something to do with the black and white stripes in the kit! Phew, he is young tall, gangly and generally runs around like a headless chicken. At least that what he has done on previous appearances.

No, he changes the game, he almost scores with his 1st touch and then for the next 25minutes batters Skrtel and Soty around like Didier Drogba on steriods! So what do we do, capitulate the 2nd goal was a farce, 4 people could have cleared it they all got way to allow Barton to waltz in and score crowning his already 'man of the match' award. This player normally gets sent off against us, half of his career dismissals have been against us. Were we in his face were we putting him under any pressure, nope!

There was only one winner now and again it wasnt likely to be us. The 3rd goal tipified a miserable performance. Carroll rises unchallenged 30 yards out controls the ball, turns takes 2 more touches then shoots. Rasper, bottom corner, thank you for coming and good night. Nearest player - Lucas 10 yards away scratching a ball!

So where are we. 9th in the League, thats about right. We have only beaten 2 teams taht are currently in the top half and only Chelsea you would say is a noteworthy result. If this continues we will have about 50 points at the end of the season which will see us finish roughly where we are now. Who the hell is goig to come and play for a team like that?

Fortunatley only 1 of our next 11 league games are against anyone in the top half as the table stands today. I would say that we will have to win all of them to be honest to even qualify for the Europa League again next year. The current top 5 cannot be as inconsistent again as they have been so far and we are almost half way through the season. Spurs will implode they always do. Man City, who knows with Tevez being an enormous twat (among 23 others). Chelsea seem to have lost the plot, losing to relegation candidates like us has clearly killed their mojo.

I will discuss transfers another time with the window upon us. We need to ship out about 10 -12 players and bring in 6 quality ones. Trouble is will they want to come to a mid table bunch like us.........

YNWA